Seeing the world through their eyes - and why it's so different from yours
Educational Content: This information is for learning purposes only. It is not professional medical or mental health advice. If you need help, please talk to a qualified professional.
Quick Summary
You think your parents are being unreasonable, but from their perspective, they're desperately trying to protect you from dangers you don't see. Understanding their viewpoint doesn't mean agreeing - but it makes communication possible.
What Is It?
Your parents seem to worry about the weirdest things. They don't understand why you need your phone, but they're fine letting you ride a bike without a helmet. They lecture about screen time but ignore their own. They say "we only want what's best for you" while doing things that make you miserable.
They seem stuck in the past, unreasonable, and out of touch. But here's what's happening: they're operating from a completely different set of experiences, fears, and knowledge that you don't have access to. They've lived 20-40 more years than you. They've seen how things turn out.
They've made mistakes they don't want you to repeat. And they're terrified of the new world you're growing up in because it's unfamiliar to them.
Real-Life Example: The College Major Argument
Divya wants to study animation. She's passionate about it, has talent, dreams of working on films. Her parents want her to do engineering. They seem controlling and dismissive of her dreams.
From Divya's perspective: "They don't care about my happiness. " But from her parents' perspective: They grew up in an era where creative fields had no job security. They saw talented artists struggle financially. They spent their whole lives building financial stability for the family.
Engineering is the SAFE choice. They're not trying to kill her dreams - they're trying to prevent the financial struggles they experienced. They love her so much they can't bear the thought of her struggling. Neither perspective is wrong - they're just based on completely different life experiences and priorities that have formed in different eras.
How to Recognize It
✨ What Gets Unlocked When You Overcome This
When you learn to see through your parents' eyes - even while disagreeing - you gain a superpower that most people never develop: genuine perspective-taking. " and actually listen to the answer. You separate their wisdom from their fears. You take the good advice (built on decades of experience) while respectfully making your own choices on things where your context is different.
Most importantly, you preserve a relationship that could be one of your greatest sources of support. Years from now, you'll face challenges your parents warned about. Having learned to hear them, you'll access that wisdom when you need it. " And when you become a parent yourself, you'll have the empathy to understand why parenting is so hard - and you'll do it better because you learned this skill young.
Want to Dive Deeper?
You have gained the core understanding. Continue below for deeper exploration including psychological mechanisms, diverse perspectives, hands-on exercises, and research references.
Deep Dive
Comprehensive exploration for deeper understanding
Understanding the Impact
Short-term
You feel controlled, misunderstood, and frustrated. You might rebel against their rules, hide things from them, or dismiss all their input as outdated.
Long-term
If you never learn to see their perspective, you'll struggle with authority figures and relationships with anyone who has different views. You might repeat mistakes they tried to warn you about, then struggle with regret. You might damage the relationship so much that when you eventually need their support, it's not available. On the flip side, learning perspective-taking - understanding WHY someone thinks differently even when you disagree - is one of the most valuable life skills.
It improves all your relationships, helps in conflicts, and makes you a better leader and partner later in life. You don't have to agree with them, but understanding their framework lets you communicate effectively.
The Psychology Behind It
This is another example of the "cohort effect" - but from the reverse angle. Your parents were shaped by different circumstances: maybe they grew up with financial scarcity, so money and security became central to their decision-making framework. Maybe they were raised in authoritarian households, so they parent the same way (or rebel against it). They experienced consequences of choices that you haven't faced yet.
Their brain has "hindsight bias" - knowing how things turned out makes them believe the right choice was always obvious. When they say "I told you so," it's because from their position in time, the outcome genuinely seemed predictable. You don't have that data yet. You're making decisions based on present-moment information and feelings, which is developmentally appropriate, but clashes with their experience-based perspective.
At the Subconscious Level
Your brain is wired for independence right now - it's developmentally appropriate to push away from parents and form your own identity. This is your brain preparing you for adulthood. But this makes it neurologically difficult to see from their perspective. You're experiencing "adolescent egocentrism" - not selfishness, but a developmental stage where your own perspective feels like THE reality, and others' perspectives feel less real or valid.
Your parents, meanwhile, have "negativity bias" enhanced by love - their brain is hyperalert to potential dangers to you. Things that seem like small risks to you register as major threats to them because they love you. Their protective instincts, formed in a different era, are firing constantly.
Indirect Effects
- •You might make decisions out of rebellion rather than genuine choice
- •You miss out on valuable wisdom because you've written them off as "not understanding"
- •Conflicts escalate because both sides feel misunderstood and unheard
- •You might develop a pattern of dismissing anyone who disagrees with you
- •Years later, you might understand their perspective and regret how you treated them
- •You might miss warning signs they noticed from experience (bad relationships, poor choices, etc.)
- •The relationship becomes transactional instead of emotionally close
- •You lose a potential source of support during difficult times
Related Topics
Found this helpful?
Consider sharing this with others who might benefit from understanding this topic.
Explore More Topics